


Where Do I go From Here?

by HornedQueenOfHell



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Wings, Angst, Everything Hurts, Feels, Fluff, Heavy Angst, Hurt Castiel, Hurt Crowley, Hurt Dean, Hurt Sam, Lucifer Redemption, Lucifer has panic attacks, Lucifer's wings, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Not season 12 compliant, Pre-Slash, based off a disney song, mention of Charlie - Freeform, throws season 12 out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-13
Updated: 2016-06-13
Packaged: 2018-07-14 18:20:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7185002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HornedQueenOfHell/pseuds/HornedQueenOfHell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the darkness had dissipated he’d been standing there alone, outside the bar he had almost murdered his brother in. He searched the world frantically, begging Cas for help but the angel was still weak, the darkness had diminished not only his grace but all of Heaven’s. The Earth was much cooler these days, the perpetual darkness held the world in a chokehold slowly squeezing the life out of it. Dean shivered and looked up at the stars, he dare not pray again after what happened with Gadreel. So he was alone, and lost. He had no idea what to do or where to go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where Do I go From Here?

**Author's Note:**

> Dealing with a lot of confusion lately, worried about my future, and I've been listening to this song a lot and it inspired me to write this.

The Impalas tire crunched through the gravel before coming to a stop just before the edge of the cliff. Dean stepped out and zipped up his jacket to keep the late night chill out, before looking out at the landscape. It was winter, there was snow everywhere and he had been driving for hours today. The trees blew morosely in the wind matching his mood as he leaned against the chrome edge of his baby. Her engine was the only warm thing around. He was up in the mountains, took out a vampire nest. He scratched absently at the place the mark used to be, some days he thought he could still feel it’s call, or maybe that was just the bloodthirsty murderer he knew himself to be. He crossed his arms across his body and watched his breath fog the night sky every time he breathed out. It had been months, months without finding Sam. 

After the darkness had dissipated he’d been standing there alone, outside the bar he had almost murdered his brother in. He searched the world frantically, begging Cas for help but the angel was still weak, the darkness had diminished not only his grace but all of Heaven’s. The Earth was much cooler these days, the perpetual darkness held the world in a chokehold slowly squeezing the life out of it. Dean shivered and looked up at the stars, he dare not pray again after what happened with Gadreel. So he was alone, and lost. He had no idea what to do or where to go.

_The earth is cold_  
_The fields are bare_  
_The branches fold against the wind that's everywhere_  
_The birds move on_  
_So they survive_  
_When snow so deep  
_The bears all sleep to keep themselves alive  
_They do what they must for now  
_And trust in their plan  
_If I trust in mine, somehow I might find who I am_____

“Dean, you can’t keep doing this to yourself.” Cas sighed, the hunter was asleep still clutching the whiskey bottle in his hand. The angel carefully pulled the bottle from him and set it on the table, he may have his grace back but he retained his human emotions and his heart was breaking. Pulling the sheet over Dean’s unmoving form he placed a soft kiss for hopes of a dreamless sleep on Dean’s temple.  


“Sammy.” Dean muttered in his sleep and Cas was filled with the deepest regret. For his judgement of the younger Winchester and for his part in their misery filled lives. The Dean he’d met in an abandoned barn so many years ago was long gone. The boy who had sassed him until Castiel, so full of arrogance, had threatened to throw him back in hell. He almost wished for those days again, when Lucifer had been their biggest problem. When Dean’s soul could have put the sun to shame in it’s brilliance, before Cas had drank a liquor store or doomed them to Purgatory because of the Leviathans. But now Dean has been a demon, Sam has been twisted and manipulated beyond repair, and Castiel. Castiel has been stripped of his grace, insane, and helped the girl Dean loved die. Charlie’s death still weighed on them all.  


“Good night Dean.” Cas whispered as he left Dean’s room. He stopped to check on Crowley, which is a statement he never thought he’d ever encounter, the King of Hell was still up reading proclamations, complaints, and anything else he had to deal with. Cas pulled up a chair and sat next to the demon.  


“How are you feeling?”  


“How many times do I have to tell you Hot Wings, I’ve taken on more jumped up angels than you. I don’t need your pity.” Cas sighed and took the parchment and quill from Crowley’s mangled, shaking hands. The king of Hell growled but began to dictate the letter while Cas started writing. It had taken almost all of Crowley’s power to stop Castiel after his mother’s curse, even though he did the angel had caused serious damage, and it was going to take time to heal if it ever did.  


“How is he?” The demon eventually asked.  


“Getting worse. And the Darkness is spreading, soon any chance of finding Sam will be gone forever.” From outside the room Dean’s heart clenched and then sunk, he needed a drink.

_But where do I go from here?_  
So many voices ringing in my ear  
Which is the voice that I was meant to hear?  
How will I know?  
Where do I go from here? 

Sam. He finally found Sam. The fact that Lucifer was in the room was apparently irrelevant. Back from the cage and guarding Sam like a rabid dog. The archangel was corporal in a way he had never been before. Real, glorious wings, hard to look at; even Dean was barely able to comprehend the sheer mass of them. He was wearing Nick again, the skin still full of sores and cracking. 

Angels, well their dead vessels, littered the floor. Satan had a wild, insane look in his eyes, pinning Dean and Cas to the wall with his powers. It was Sam getting up and tugging on his sleeve that brought any sense back to the angel at all. He wrapped an arm around Sam and buried his head in the younger Winchester’s chest shuddering. The two dropped to the ground, gasping for air. Dean helped Cas to his feet, brushing a hand over his back in a calming gesture causing the other angel to shudder as well. Dean and Cas crossed the room and just stared at Satan wrapped around Sam Winchester like an octopus.  


“Hey guys. Well we have a lot to talk about.” And Dean just shrugged and told Sam to lead the way. When the Darkness came after them Sam had prayed for protection. It had been enough that combined with the primal power of the Darkness had weakened the bars of the cage and Lucifer swept Sam away not even realizing Dean had been there. He kept them in a remote area the madness from being locked away in the cage again with Michael making him unstable and it was touch and go between them for a while. 

Lucifer was very protective of Sam but with time and patience the Winchester had helped him and together they had been doing their best to fight everything out there. Dean didn’t want to believe his words until he caught Lucifer in an all out panic attack and had to get Sam to calm him down. Afterword Lucifer came and thanked him in a quiet, unsure voice. It was the weirdest experience of his life.

_My world has changed and so have I_  
_I've learned to choose_  
_And even learned to say goodbye_  
_The path ahead's so hard to see_  
_It winds and bends but where it ends  
_Depends on only me  
_In my heart I don't feel part of so much I've known  
_Now it seems it's time to start,  
_A new life on my own_____

Dean rested on the Impala’s hood drinking beer, he looked over when he heard footsteps approaching.  


“Beer?” He asked holding out the unopened bottle.  


“Thanks Sammy.” The two brothers sat there drinking, staring out into the woods.  


“Lucifer is in the library with Cas.” Sam commented, Dean just snorted and took a sip of his beer.  


“We have the frigging Devil living in the Bunker with us, and the King of Hell, an Angel, and us. What the hell happened?”  


“I have no idea man.” Sam snickered.  


“We used to hunt monsters man, now we live with them.”  


“Still going to deny your ‘profound’ love with Cas?” Sam teased elbowing Dean.  


“Yeah sure and you wanna tell me you’re banging the Devil.” Sam outright laughed then.  


“God I hope not.” The boy finished their drinks and went inside. Cas and Lucifer were pour over Men of Letters documents looking for spells to help angels. Satan’s time in the cage stuck with Michael had helped and hurt him in many ways. Crowley mostly hid from the Devil but still required Castiel’s help every now and again. Dean did his best to help out too. Even Gadreel had been brought back and visited Sam on occasion, to make sure he was doing okay. It was the strangest version of his family that Dean had ever seen, but it was kinda working for him. The chatter in the halls, bickerings and nightmares from all of them, but they had each other. And a kitchen well stocked with coffee. There was just one thing Dean couldn’t figure out, what now? 

_But where do I go from here?_  
_So many voices ringing in my ear_  
_Which is the voice that I was meant to hear?  
_How will I know?  
_Where do I go from here?___

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me around, come say hi!
> 
> DA: http://civil-war-casualty.deviantart.com/  
> Tumblr: http://hornedqueenofhell.tumblr.com/


End file.
